Monday 20 July 2020

Making our stars align!

There are some instances in life when everyone hopes that all stars will align and everything will come together in a positive way. But what if they don't align? Do you just wait for the positive to happen? Do you just wither away in despair of when it will happen? or Do you push them to align? We did. We pushed. We made the stars align! This is the story of my wedding with my betrothed, Nidhi. This is the story of our wedding during the Corona-times; something that will be fondly remembered by everyone who became part of this pivotal event of my life. 

If I rewind, it wasn't too long ago when the world made sense. Like everyone, I had THE PLAN! And everything was trotting along well. I had got a job in India, my Ph.D. finished ahead of time, and Nidhi was successfully able to secure a position with Microsoft in India. We were ready to get married this April and start a new life in Bengaluru. 

My first business class trip from Chicago to Bengaluru.

I traveled from the US to India after wrapping up my 6 years of graduate school in the US on a preview trip scheduled by my employer, Shell. As I laid back in the business cabin relaxed in my own thoughts, the rest of the world was whispering about the creeping of a virus (one famous dude called it the Chinese Virus). The virus which had wreaked havoc in China was now rearing its ugly head in different parts of the world. 

Amidst that buzz, I landed in Bengaluru on March 3. The airport was the same yet different. The presence of health workers & thermal screeners at the airport gave me an eerie feeling. This was the time when there were only a handful of cases in India. The media was discussing the spread of the coronavirus in Europe and the pandemic still seemed distant. The hotel where I stayed had an active dining hall with the guests forming a beeline at different breakfast buffet counters. Just 4 months ago, it was so NORMAL!

My welcome party in Jaipur

Hanging out at a Bengaluru Cafe

After spending a few days in Bengaluru, I finally traveled to Jaipur to an amazing welcome by my family. Everyone was excited about the upcoming wedding in a month. In the next few days, we started buying clothes and prepping for the wedding. Alas! I wish for that normalcy, now.

It had just been a week for me in India and already the whispers had changed to real conversations of the virus spread. The COVID cases were on a rise and the images of the melting Italian health infrastructure was bearing on people's mind. I always had an ear out for the Corona-news because in the corner of my mind I knew, that this is going to affect the wedding.

At this point, I was in Jaipur, and Nidhi was working from home in Seattle. She was supposed to travel on April 3 to India for the wedding, which was set for April 17. Government directives on curbing international travel in the second week of March deeply concerned me. America was showing similar early signs of the outbreak as Europe. I feared that Nidhi won't be able to fly back for the wedding. After several long phone calls, we decided that she will prepone her travel. She flew back on March 17, and the next day, the Government announced a ban on all international flights scheduled after that week. Our grappling match with destiny had just begun.

The utterly silent street outside my house #CoronavirusLockdown

While Nidhi began her 14-day quarantine at home, Modiji announced a nationwide lockdown of 21 days, and entire India came to a standstill. Lockdown till April 14, and wedding on April 17. Everyone knew that the wedding is not happening as planned, anymore. But that 0.1% of optimism somehow kept the dominant, 99.9% at bay. Every day in April, both me and Nidhi discussed how no information is disseminated by the Government about the lifting of lockdown. And then, LOCKDOWN 2.0 was announced on April 13.

For both of us, after a long courtship, the wedding day was a much-awaited culmination of our feelings. With the unprecedented lockdown, all the planning was laid waste and a crushing feeling swept in our hearts. The silver lining was Nidhi's decision to prepone her travel, lest, she be stuck alone in Seattle with no defined way of traveling back to India. At least, I could rest assured that she is with family and only a couple hundred miles away.

While it was especially difficult for the two of us, weddings in India are much more coveted occasions for families of the bridegroom. The relatives and friends understood the utter helplessness in the situation. Still, their calls filled with curiosity about our plans kept reminding us of the fact that we didn't have one.  The uncertainties weighed heavily on both sides but no one knew what to do. Everyone stayed put, making peace with living during the COVID era and almost a month passed, just like that. The optimism for a wedding even after lockdown 2.0 was already dwindling when lockdown 3.0 was announced on May 4.

Notices outside SMS Hospital Outdoor Patient Department

By the end of the third lockdown, we heard about some families in Jaipur using the minor relaxations given by the Government to organize weddings with about 10-20 people. Was this, our unexpected answer? A few calls around Jaipur unraveled the operational logistics of the lockdown weddings. As per Government rules, we had to acquire permission from the Secretariat to organize a wedding, and permission for Nidhi & her family to travel across state borders from Delhi to Jaipur. It was no easy task during the lockdown when the entire country was in a disarray with mounting economic, health, and humanitarian concerns. But the two families made a soft decision to keep the wedding on May 24.

With a close-knit family of first cousins, all residing in Jaipur, it was a colossal nightmare to fix on this small guest list. Also, the absence of both my sisters' husbands, one in Dubai, and one in Houston was especially hard-hitting. There was already some reluctance on our side about organizing such an event during the spread of an infectious disease. On the other side, Nidhi's family had started their preparations once again. Unfortunately, managing expectations was the call of the hour. The inexactitude of Government directives and fear within our family had to be communicated to my in-laws. For a second time within 40 days, the wedding was indefinitely postponed.

Reopening of the roadside food-cart near our house after 40 days. He waited patiently for customers who never came that day.

My conversations with Nidhi every evening became gloomier. Numbed by the overflowing Coronavirus news, frustrated by the inaction, and marred by the indecisiveness, every day was like waking up in an endless void. These feelings are really not an exaggeration, and many must have felt it when something monumentally important to their lives has been pushed farther away from them. April jumped into May, and May tread on into June.

A new reality had begun to dawn on my family. We were running out of auspicious days before a permanent break came due to the Monsoon season at the end of June. The break would eventually be over in November, but there was growing uncertainty whether the virus situation would be under control even in November. Under that consideration, a bit more decisively, and with a heavy heart of keeping many kinfolks out of the guest list, we decided that June 14 will be the wedding date. The clouds of not knowing were withering away from me and Nidhi.

Apprehensions about November are warranted, it seems

A venue was finalized, the constrained program was decided, Delhi-Jaipur routes were mapped even in the remote case of another border shutdown, and we had just begun to invite the guests. Destiny had more surprises though! My sisters' husband secured a ticket to come back to India from Houston under the Vande Bharat Mission. A news everyone had been waiting for came at a time when everything else was already laid out in conflict of it. It was a critical piece of the ever-growing puzzle of the Coronavirus-wedding and another delay could not be helped. 

June 14 was a No-Go! 


Not an indefinite extension but an even more unexpected one, nonetheless. Considering my brother-in-law's quarantine period, the new date was June 28.

A third time, the elation of a planned wedding had to be put down. No longer was I sure that even June 28 was the final date. As the delay came from our end, I felt immeasurably bad about how this wedding has made a whirlwind of Nidhi's feelings. She was braving it like a champion but I was at a loss for words. Surprise turns kept coming in our journey and they blocked the light at the end of the road every time.

But June 28 was the last chance for a possible wedding this year on an auspicious date. The scientist in me took a vacation as I turned extremely superstitious, resorting to crossed fingers and seeking spiritual signs for a confirmation that June 28 was the final wedding day. The plans were more elaborate this time as more relaxations had been granted by the Government. People had got used to the new life during the last 2.5 months and everyone wanted to make up for this last postponement that came out of the blue. 

June 27: My brother-in-law came out of the quarantine. We had a small get-together for my Haldi ceremony and seeing my jolly family, finally infused some hope of a wedding. I was the youngest brother of all my cousins, so the excitement was palpable. No-matter the corona dampener, everyone was ready to make the most out of this short & sweet venture into the virus-marred event. That night, Nidhi and her family, finally came to Jaipur and I got to lay my eyes on my to-be-wife after so long. She looked prettier than ever!

Our first meeting in a long while, the night before the wedding

June 28: On that morning, I was still not sure everything would go as planned. But it did! :D The wedding program had no hiccups, and the smiles of my family were all that I will need to keep in my memories.

The newly-wed couple #CoronaWeddingSuccess

July 12: It has been more than 14 days since the wedding now. #QuarantineComplete 

Everyone who attended the wedding is safe and sound. It is by sheer will and God's grace that I & Nidhi have started our lives together and now we move past those troubled times to a new future!